Light in the Darkest Dark

Light in the Darkest Dark by By Christi Portzline, Staff Nurse

There are times of working in the world of pregnancy help when the darkness is particularly heavy. Weeks on end of walking with patients through unthinkable pain can take their toll. It may be an unplanned pregnancy, hurtful relationships, past abuse or neglect, miscarriage, or any number of difficulties which are too many to mention here. Sometimes it feels like the darkness is so thick and oppressive that it might just completely overpower the light. 

I spoke to a woman on the phone during one of those dark seasons not long ago. She was a young woman, on her own in college, facing an unplanned pregnancy. She had recently ordered the abortion pills and was planning to take them as soon as they arrived in the mail. She reached out to our office to see if she could schedule an ultrasound for after she took the pills to monitor for complications.

Although we don’t perform those types of ultrasounds, I was grateful for the opportunity to talk with her. Initially, this young woman conversed with me almost lightheartedly. She had a plan and had made arrangements to carry that plan out, seemingly unaffected by the gravity of the situation. I talked with her about issues related to medical safety but mostly just did a lot of active listening, asking her to “tell me more” about certain pieces of her story. 

As she unraveled her narrative, her tone changed from one of lighthearted indifference to that of deep sadness and emotion. She shared that she was the oldest in her family, having three younger siblings she adored. She hadn’t told anyone in her family about her pregnancy. She worried about the stress and strain that would place on her mother who was already in a tenuous marriage. 

This young woman then told me that her father didn’t like her. He never had, and everyone knew it. Somewhere along the way, he had told her that if she ever became pregnant out of wedlock, she would be completely cut off from her entire family.

 Through tears, this precious woman recounted the years of hurt from a bad relationship with her father, now punctuated by having to choose between the only good familial relationships she had ever known or choosing life for the family inside her. To her, the choice was deeply painful and so, so costly. I wept quietly on the phone.

In those moments, the darkness pressed in and threatened to snuff out the light. But, it didn’t. And it can’t. Because the God we serve and His great gospel are mighty to save. No matter how dark the darkness is, the Light will never be overcome by it. This is the Light that gives us hope in even the darkest darkness.

 “That light shines in the darkness, and yet the darkness did not overcome it.”

John 1:5