A Letter to My Aborted Baby
A Letter to My Aborted Baby by: Cindy Mansberger, Executive Director
The life-honoring work we carry out at Crossroads takes on many facets. One way is to be there for clients after an abortion. No matter what influences the decision to end a pregnancy, the side effects are real and not always anticipated. Guilt, shame, and grief become a heavy burden. The thoughts like – “No one understands… God will never forgive me… I can never forgive myself” take over.
Some people in the faith community can’t understand why a woman would make this choice since they know that God creates all life and it is sacred. But we must pray for the grace and mercy to receive these wounded women, and sometimes men, with open arms as Jesus would in the aftermath of the enemy's schemes, without judgement.
To do this, Crossroads offers a Bible study called Forgiven and Set Free. In one of the early chapters of the Bible study, there is an exercise of writing a letter to the baby that was aborted. Not an easy task!
A precious client permitted us to share her letter to her aborted child with you, inviting you into her most intimate thoughts and vulnerable feelings. It is written as follows:
“I’m not quite sure where to begin and what to say, so I guess I’ll start with, “I’m sorry”. You were innocent and didn’t deserve to have your life cut so drastically short. You weren’t held by the person who was supposed to love you and protect you above anyone else. I want you to know, in my very lost and broken self, my choice was to save you from a life with a very unhealthy and unstable father and his dysfunctional family. I thought about what your life might be like and what you would lack. But ultimately, I was the one who put us in that terrible situation. I trusted my doubts and fears more than my faith that God never makes a mistake and that He would work all things out for good. While it's true I wanted to spare you, I wanted to spare myself the angst of a lifelong connection with your father. I saw no positive future for myself or you that included him. So, I made the choice, and it was disgustingly easy to set up the appointment to terminate. Until that day came, I pleaded to God and tried to make deals with Him. I was raised in/around the church. Surely, I knew the heaviness and the depth of the choice I was making. In that moment, it felt like the only answer.
As I continue on this journey to forgiveness and peace, I believe with every ounce of my being that you are, in fact, with Jesus. You know joy and beautiful peace. For me to have that promise is strictly a gift from God. I believe I will meet you and have the blessing of holding you without feeling any pain, fear, or guilt. I pray the Lord will hold you now and let you know your Mommy is doing her very best to heal and do God’s work to make a difference in other people’s lives…to be a person you are proud of. And I pray you know that although it may not seem so, I love you.”
Friend, if you or someone you know, has experienced an abortion and struggles to receive the forgiveness the Father offers or struggles to forgive themselves, Crossroads stands ready to help with confidentiality and grace. It’s what we do. It’s how He heals. It’s what can free a life from the burden of guilt and shame.
Contact any Crossroads office to begin that healing journey.
Jesus is waiting...